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mindfulness

Musings.

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Musings.

First of all, I hope that everyone had a wonderful holiday.  

Our Christmas was magical-thanks to a lot of good food, good people, and great moments.  

I’m currently on the road, heading back home from a long day driving up to Oregon to spread my mom’s ashes. It was our last chance before my boys and I moved to Florida and we lost our chance to give my mom a proper send off. 

We had failed my mother so often in her life, it was the least we could do to give her a proper send off in the place she loved so much.  

Today was filled with mostly good memories. California always seemed to hold good memories for my mother. We gave her back to the beach she used to camp in as a girl; and the beach that my sister and I first saw the ocean. We gave her back to the Redwood Forest; a place she was ready to move to the moment she saw it. We gave her back to the Oregon shore; the place of her dreams, the place she desperately wanted to move to   

Today was a good day. 

We chose these places because she loved them so much. We also chose them because these were places where the memories of abuse, poverty, and her disease were distant. These were places where my mother flourished and blossomed for a short time. Places in the world where she was completely and truly free.  

I hope her soul is at peace now. I hope that we did the right thing by her today. I hope that she enjoys the ocean breezes and the big big trees. 

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My mother’s free spirit is a large part of the inspiration for my patterns and website. She is always with me, guiding me, pushing me forward, and reminding me to live in the moment. 

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All I Want for Christmas is a Wool Farm

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All I Want for Christmas is a Wool Farm

Smother me in Alpacas and Sheep; with a red barn and a cozy farm house where I can spin all the yarn and make all the things. 

 

*Sigh* A girl can dream, can’t she? That life sounds so much more peaceful and fulfilling than whatever I am doing now. I can’t say that I have the Christmas Blues, because I have the opposite of that… think more like National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. 

 

The first week of the Christmas Season was spent in a crazy holiday frenzy. Put up all the decorations, plan out all the presents, buy all the things, and make this house MAGICAL! It was stressful, and I’m not sure if I did anything even close to meaningful. 

 

There’s the struggle to make everything perfect and meaningful. I try to think back at traditions and the nostalgia of Christmases past and realize that my perfect christmases were probably not as perfect as I remember. I’m sure my mom stressed about how perfect she wanted things, how we should do XYZ just because. They were simple things that added up, and I can see how tired she could have been for Christmas. What ever her state of exhaustion, my mother loved the holiday and, happily, I inherited that love. It was probably the one thing I could really communicate with my mom on. She truly made the holiday season special. I hope to do the same. However, I’m not going to kill myself to make the holiday season match something I have sketchy memories of. 

 

The more I think of what my ideal Christmas would look like, the more I feel like I need to be living on a Ranch in Colorado or some mountainous region, maybe Canada (definitely Canada), and making wool for warm clothes. 

 

I think it’s time to put some breaks on the frenzy, and focus on the meaningful side of the season. 

 

My life was never perfect, in fact, it’s messy… and loud, and slow, and fast, and boring, and exciting, and depressing, and fulfilling. My holiday season is probably going to show that off a little. 

 

This year, I am going to do less shopping and more hugging. Less stressing about my life and more laughing with my babies. Less fear and more hope. 

 

There’s no telling what the next few weeks will bring, I am an idealist that’s often disappointed, but I do know that there’s going to be a lot of love. 

 

If there’s one thing that I’ve learned from my mother’s Christmases it’s that it doesn’t have to be magical to be incredible, but a little magic never hurt anybody. 

 

So, I’ll be here, writing to Santa for some sheep. I’m pretty sure that Sam will be a great sheep dog.

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